You’re a nice person. You say please and thank you, try to lift others up and you know just what to say, except when that word is “no.” I recently began job hunting for a “real” job since my two-day-a-week job just wasn’t cutting it anymore. I started having interviews and took the first job that I came across, even though the whole offer seemed a bit “too perfect.” Turns out, I was being offered way less than I was originally told. Thankfully, I did not sign before my family talked some sense into me. When I tried to originally tell that employer “no,” I did not use the specific word and we ended up having an hour-long conversation and wasting both of our time with him over-explaining his views and reasons and me doing the same. I eventually just outright told him the longer we talked would not change my decision, nor would I feel comfortable accepting the position. This is a very literal example of not saying no, but it is something we all do, even if it is subconsciously. Think hard; When was the last time you said “no.” Is it really in your or someone else’s best interest to save face? In a less literal example, I had a group of friends. At the head of this group was, let’s call her, Betty. I gave my all to this friend group, but time after time that did not matter, and Betty really was only around when her “real” friends were not and when she needed a ride or money. I stuck around for a long time thinking that I just needed to invest more of my time in her to get a deeper friendship. I would get mad and the next text I got from her, I would be there and drop everything and everyone else. So, in clutching onto her so hard, I was doing exactly to other healthy relationships what she was doing to me. I should have said “no” and cut her off sooner as a courtesy to both of us.
My main message here is that we, as a people, need to both say and hear “no” more fluidly. People have gotten so entitled recently that rejection bruises our egos and makes us angry, when in reality, rejection is a guide; Rejection is a part of life. If you were to get anything and everything you asked for, even past material objects, what is the point of goals or growth? You would strive for nothing because, sure, it sounds nice sitting at home all day, eating your chips (while not getting fat, because even that is a rejection of sorts) watching tv, while you have your shiny new Porsche in your 8-car garage that was given to you. OKAY! However, think about someone in your life who gets that now, basically. Say, their parents buy them anything they need or want. Are they a good person? I am thinking about someone and can tell you that, no, she is not. She got a job that is a dream job of mine not because of her education (which, admittedly she is qualified just not as qualified as multiple of the candidates I know she ran against) but because her mom works in HR as a hiring manager and her dad works side by side with the CEO. This was one week after getting her bachelor’s degree at a university her parents paid for making it so that she has no debt. Then she goes home in the sports car her parents paid for, sleeping under the roof she makes no contribution towards. All would be well and good if she was then a person who gave any energy or time into others, but I am sure you guessed by now that she does not. In fact, she will not even date anyone because she wants to “focus on herself and her finances,” even though she just spent thousands of her parents’ money on a new camera. Is oof in the dictionary? It should be, because oof. There is no actual growth there. She was given everything that some have to work years for and did not have to work very hard for any of it.
Okay, now, think of a time in your life where you feel you made the biggest and best change for yourself. Was it getting a material item or was it a major shift in your core being? I will be honest in telling you in a short, concise manner that after my attempted suicide, I became a completely different person in every single way possible, though not right away. I was self-centered and cared about all of the wrong things. I was that stereotypical “nice” cheerleader. The one who is nice to your face and then judges you behind your back for shallow reasons. I cared about what people could do for me, not what I could do for people. That may sound just awful (and it is) and you may think, “well, I am not like that at all.” Tell me, what is it about your friend(s) that make them your friends? Is it because you genuinely enjoy each other’s company or is because they fill the time when you are bored? Is it because you guys are always there for one another or is because they are always there for you? Really analyze your most important relationships. I actually was at a job orientation not long ago that said to “Surround yourself with people who are more educated and successful than you. Why waste (yes, they said waste) your time with people who aren’t wanting to move forward in life or do much of anything and are beneath you? Those people will not add any value to your life.” That struck me the wrong way entirely. It is true that you typically do align yourself with people who are similar in lifestyle as yourself. However, if you choose not to be someone’s friend because they do not have the same career path in mind or same vigor in their goal set as you… that is so slimy that I used an ellipsis. You should seek experience for no other reason than experience and self-worth, emphasis on self. Self-worth in experiences and relationships does not equate to monetary worth. Value, in finances, is what you get for what you put in. For example, $20 is not a lot for internet, right? What is, though, it is so slow you cannot watch videos or download anything? That is negative value. Therefore, $60 for unlimited internet in which you can connect 10 devices is a seeming no-brainer for someone who uses a lot of internet (no, this is not a sales pitch). Value in your friendships is the same concept. You are receiving, sure, but you are receiving equally as much as you are given. Your friends are not your chauffeurs, your ATMs or your parents.
So, basically what I am saying is go for it. Go get that Porsche, those Yeezy’s, and that 8-car garage. Seriously! But if you are turned down for Vice-President position because you do not have the education or experience, that is okay. If you are not becoming the next PewDiePie on YouTube, it will be alright. That does not mean you aren’t working hard. Continue to work hard and that list of rejections will get shorter but know even Harvard graduates with 20 years of doctoral experience get rejected sometimes. Rejection, by definition is negative, meaning no but, in reality, is positive. Keep growing, learning, reading, fighting, and even failing! Rejection is not a sign that you aren’t a Rockstar. While we are at it, rejecting someone is a part of self-respect and respect for them as well and does not denounce their Rockstar self, either. Don’t flatter nor disrespect yourself.